by Julie Overlease, July 22, 2020
Does anyone else feel off? Are you in a funk like me? I attempt to practice living with an attitude of gratitude and aim to find joy, God’s light, no matter the darkness. So much feels dark and heavy and hard and tumultuous and frustrating all around us. In Hope Upon ImpactI share a profound perspective-shifting experience in which a close friend reminds me in the critical days after Evelyn’s accident to thank God for every blessing. It was a powerful exercise in choosing an attitude of gratitude and looking at what was still functioning perfectly in my daughter’s injured body. I recently borrowed back a book I gave to my oldest daughter, One Thousand Giftsby Ann Voskamp, in which the Canadian mother and farmer’s wife decides to record a thousand blessings in her life. I started my list. One small step…
During a conversation with a relative about concern over the health of someone I know, he reminded me of the Serenity Prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.” He wisely encouraged me to remember that the last part is the most challenging and most important.
If we honestly answer the question, “How are you?” I’m convinced we are not fine. These days “Fine” is the answer of liars. Yes, some of us may be able to list off some major blessings: good health, employment, religious freedom, or even a mountain getaway (Sadly, I’m not in the group getting a summer vacation). However, unless we are living as ostriches, we can’t miss the political divisions, societal tensions, and daily COVID threats to mental and physical wellness and livelihood. It feels like every plan gets thrown out the window when changes come like falling dominoes. Such matters wear on people. When I lamented to a friend, Adrienne mentioned this time in history as an “opportunity to increase our tolerance for uncertainty. Surrender.”
I will practice the deliberate act of thankfulness. My response to difficulties is in my control. Every day I look around and see evidence of God’s love through the people in my life (and we’ve had plenty of time to be together) and his beautiful creations in nature. I marvel at the clouds in stunning skies and flowers that grow.
That doesn’t stop me from feeling on the tipping point when simmering sibling squabbling boils over into a big hot mess. Call me a complainer with a first world problem, but if I’m honest, I am 100% sick of my family of six being without a dishwasher since April because the water valve part is sourced from COVID shut-down Germany. I don’t want to wash one more single glass. They multiply like bunnies on our island, and nobody seems to claim them or wants to wash them. I’m over it! And, this terrible timing of launching my first book during a world pandemic without the benefit of author events is for the birds! If you have read Hope Upon Impactand enjoyed it, please share your opinion with other readers. I need help.
As if present-day life doesn’t have enough stress and wild cards, have you ever taught a teenager to drive? If your life lacks excitement, find a 14-year-old with a new Kansas driver’s permit and hit the road. Relinquish control of a 3500 pound piece of machinery to a new driver and your heart is guaranteed to race. My personality is not well-suited for near misses with construction cones and all sorts of other wildly-amusing-to-others driving stories. I need to practice deep breathing and install dual-side controls in our minivan. We can laugh really hard about some of these outings, but facing them in the moment is terrifying! And I get to do this two more times!!!!
My heart feels heavy each time I learn of a family facing a new life-changing medical crisis like a cancer battle, challenges with COVID, the agony of suicide, or the devastating problems associated with addiction. I follow the important work of Exodus Cry to help those impacted by human trafficking, but reading about the exploitation of women and children through the evils of PornHub sickens me as a mother. I don’t know why there is so much evil in our world. And abortion! Sometimes everything feels so oppressive and overwhelming. I guess what I must accept is my own struggle to surrender, since I’m not in control. When I feel like the joy is leaking out of me or I’m internally raging in fury, I need to check my outlook. I also need to give myself and those around me permission to sometimes feel “bleh” and to mourn the loss of all we previously took for granted. Normal is gone. It is acceptable to vent and rant and take a turn being Debbie Downer. I’m a “fixer” and I don’t know how to fix the current state of the world. I may only fix myself.
Here are my actions points. I’m going to keep building a list of blessings to practice gratitude. I’m going to perform acts of kindness to bless and cheer others. I will love more, be kind, and treat others with dignity and respect. I’m going to let myself and those around me feel what they feel. I’m going to exercise my body in the fresh air and get enough sleep and eat yummy food (that is mostly healthy). I’m going to keep praying for an end to all that is wrong with the world with trust in God. I’m going to “Have faith” and “Hope on!” because “God is good.”