Saturday, April 4, 2020

I imagine that just like me, you are in a state of dismay over the recent changes in life as we have come to know it. First, emails started coming back in March. “A parent of a student at your child’s school has tested positive for COVID-19.” You have all experienced the same string of events that fell like dominoes. Spring break was extended. Remote learning plans formed. School was called off for the remainder of the academic year. College kids started returning home. Youth spring sports were canceled. Air travel became a cause for fear and long-awaited trips were canceled (For us, a service trip to Guatemala to build pig pens and chicken coops). When Disney World locations around the world shut their gates, ski resorts closed, and the NCAA called off March Madness, I knew the world was in trouble. I joke, but I’m also completely serious.

First, steps were taken during church services to protect the health of members of the congregation: holy water was drained, no handshakes allowed during the sign of peace, no wine. Then, the final straw and most shocking, churches all over our country and throughout the world closed their doors indefinitely. Pastors turned to social media and group video streams to continue to fill the spiritual cups of their people. And still, the people prayed.

Next, news that a friend was suffering with COVID-19 came to my attention. It felt close. It felt sad and scary and the symptoms, although somewhat mild, lingered. We have an ER doctor neighbor and a family friend who work in Internal Medicine. I pray for the health and well-being of all medical personnel on the front lines of this fight. My husband is an ophthalmologist and has all but shut down his medical practice (bringing financial challenges and complications as a small business owner) due to Coronavirus, yet his specialty demands providing immediate attention to glaucoma patients when loss of sight is a consequence of no medical intervention. Most of Robbie’s patient population and all of our parents fall into the “over age 60” category of greatest risk. My family wants to stay well to keep Robbie’s elderly patients healthy. I have resorted to online grocery shopping with delivery in an effort to decrease our risk of exposure to Coronavirus.

Another friend shared she is worried about losing their entire net worth and fears that now is a time terrorists may choose to strike while our attention is diverted and our economy is weak. She can barely sleep at night. The retirement investment balances to which my husband has sacrificially worked to build for our future security have taken a frustrating nose-dive. He is sifting through online documents to figure out how to best help his employees because although he and his business partner are not generating revenue, company expenses such as health insurance, office rent, taxes, and technology fees remain. Many young people are disappointed by the lack of closure and celebrations for those approaching graduation. Wedding plans must be altered and unheard of – funerals must wait. All of these matters are challenging and may cause us to despair. So much is uncertain in our world today.

We are all impacted in large and small ways by COVID-19 and the harsh reality of a need for social distancing is something we will never forget. The world is united in suffering through incredible challenges. We watch the news. We see hospitals in other parts of the world and country unable to meet the demands of seriously ill patients and we speculate if and when this will be the reality for our community. Hospital administrators are working tirelessly to put processes in place to make the most of
a difficult situation. We know this disease explodes exponentially. In many areas it is considered community spread. We don’t know when this pandemic will end. We don’t know how much worse life and our financial system may look or how many will die before we turn a corner toward an end to it all. This is terrifying and causes us to despair.

On April 20, 2018 my 12-year-old daughter Evelyn was seriously injured protecting her puppy from a massive, falling tree limb while playing at a friend’s house. She suffered multiple skull fractures, a traumatic brain injury, and a foot laceration that required 35 stitches to repair. I was the first responder and the horror of that experience is detailed frame-by-frame in my upcoming book, Hope Upon Impact: A Miraculous True Story of Faith, Love & God’s Goodness (4/20/20 release by Paraclete Press – hardcover and audiobook, read by me). In that backyard, I didn’t know if my daughter would survive her injuries. It was beyond awful. The book is a true outpouring of my heart.

However, one urgent neurosurgery, loads of physical and emotional suffering, an army of prayers, and a long road to healing and recovery two years later – we are blessed to have a bright, healthy, active, beautiful daughter. Evelyn will turn 14 on April 6. We made it through to the other side of a terribly trying time that was filled with unknowns. Here are the lessons I learned and how they apply to what Americans are facing during this COVID-19 pandemic.
 
1. We are not in control.

Right now the people of the world are faced with something beyond our control. COVID-19 is happening to all of us on some level, and we are brought together by the shared struggle. Many people are suffering in a multitude of ways and are experiencing a stripping away of security – medically, financially, loss of freedoms, lack of creature comforts and time with friends, travel restrictions, etc. However, we have been given a priceless gift in the midst of these great challenges. Time. It is a precious commodity, so we shouldn’t waste it. What are we going to do with our time? I suspect that for most Americans
committed to a position in the workforce, never again in the span of their careers, unless they develop cancer, will they again have a span of weeks in which they are home with their complete family unit. Granted, additional challenges exist for those forced to work from home while continuing to care for children unable to attend school.

When Evelyn’s accident occurred, I was struck by my lack of control in life. I couldn’t stop that tree limb from crashing down upon my daughter. I couldn’t take away her suffering. I couldn’t speed up time to allow her brain and fractured skull to heal faster. I couldn’t wrap her in bubble wrap and demand that she stay beneath my sheltering wings! I simply had to endure all of it and sometimes it was awful and ugly. We didn’t know when her pain would end. During Evelyn’s hospitalization and recovery, we had some precious time together. Everything slowed down. Activities were removed from our calendar. It was brought to the forefront of our minds that the family members we love so much are a tremendous gift we should never take for granted. Each day together is valuable and we don’t know when our time here will end. We should make the most of our extra time together during Stay at Home days and use it deliberately, because we won’t get this time back. Ever.

2. Life is sometimes going to be difficult.
 
As a Christian, I believe we must trust God’s holy will and believe he brings good from all things – even the hard parts we would never choose to experience and endure. Even for the non-believers, I think it is important to look for the joy during hard times. It is still there. Everyone you know is able to make a long list of moments of joy and flashes of light they have experienced during this forced slow down. Family dinners with everyone present, on-the-go teenagers at home, board games, outdoor play, time for praying and reading, long walks with those we enjoy. Some of us now have a sense of peace from messy, disordered areas of our homes returned to order through cleaning projects. When have you ever seen so many people engaged in various outdoor activities together? Siblings play together.

3. There is great value in community. Devoted friendship makes the world better.

We were lifted up after Evelyn’s accident by a faith community that covered my family in fervent prayers and in loving acts of much-needed service. Even strangers came to our aid. Adversity often brings out the best in the human condition because we are forced to dig deep within ourselves to push through the struggles. People help people and this matters. Our kind actions can make the world a better place.

We are part of a world and local community. We must take care of one another and serve our neighbors. We may not be able to help one another in the same ways we could pre-COVID-19. However, we may still do small things with great love for those around us. We may DO SOMETHING.

– Chalk a nice message on the sidewalk for passersby to read.
– Cheer up the lonely with a call, email, text, or handwritten letter.
– Share toilet paper!!
– Hop on a group video call with family or friends for some laughs.
– Share a good book.
– Leave a flower from the garden in a vase for a neighbor.
– Offer to add groceries to an online order or shop for someone who needs help.
– Express gratitude for the efforts of people with essential positions in the workforce.

4. Hope 

I believe that no matter what happens in life, no matter how challenging, we will get through it. I don’t see a better alternative. The road will not be easy. It is unlikely to be straight or smooth or short. I think there is power in remaining optimistic, not in a careless way, but with hope that good will prevail and order will be restored in time. For believers, we have faith that God journeys with us and we do not go through the most difficult moments alone. When we were at some of our darkest moments after Evelyn’s accident, the memory of the phrase, “Hope on!” was within me. That is my mantra, my encouraging outlook, and it is a response which may be applied to a vast number of difficulties. Hope has the power to help us see the light, even in times of darkness. “Only in the darkness can we see the stars.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

5. Gratitude

When Evelyn was motionless and weak in her hospital bed with multiple injuries, a friend reminded me to look at all that was working perfectly in her body, rather than focusing on the deficits. She helped me shift my perspective from fear and sadness to one of gratitude. Evelyn was not paralyzed. She was not in a coma or blind. Her foot was ripped open, but not severed. We were beyond grateful for many positive medical outcomes. We chose a “half-full” approach to accepting our new normal. This approach takes practice and mental determination. All of us may look around, stuck as we are in our homes, and we will still see a lot for which to be grateful. A roof, technology to stay connected, modern plumbing, comfortable beds, food, and more. If we look outside on one of these spring days, we see that nature is oblivious to COVID-19. The daffodils and tulips keep blooming and buds appear on trees. The sky is often completely stunning with its beauty. Step outside early in the morning before sunrise and listen to the songs of the birds. We are living through a time in history that will not soon be forgotten. Our children will tell tales to their grandchildren about the spring of 2020 in which life as we knew it completely shut down. Many things are beyond our control, but the way we respond to this crisis, the way we support one another as we all live through it together will become a part of our character.